Dec. 21, 2016
9:30 pm
Beijing, China
Sorry, I’ve been really bad about updating lately. To be fair, the past couple of days have been spent in my room. Remember how I talked about the pollution being really bad when I wrote a couple days ago? Okay, so schools had to shut down through today (Wednesday). As a result, we didn’t have any classes. EF, however, found a creative way to avoid losing money. Since we don’t have classes, EF offered for parents to pay to drop their kids off to us all day. They informed the teachers an hour before everyone was set to go home on Sunday that we needed to cover the next three days from 8-5 to accommodate these kids. There were many problems, including those days being days off for some people, working those hours would put us all in overtime, and no one works in our center on Wednesday. After a lot of thought and effort, Adam finally figured out what to do with our schedules. Long story short, I had Monday and Tuesday off and worked today.
The past two days have been a bit of a hassle. There’s been a leak in the apartment above me, so I’ve had maintenance workers in and out of my room. They usually didn’t give any warning and managed to time it for the worst possible moment, like right as I was stepping into the shower. Things were a mess. Plus the pipes were dripping into a bucket, making a loud and annoying sound. As a result, I spent the past two days watching movies to drown out the drip.
I’m going to be honest with you, today has been hard. I think a big part of it is the fact that I wasn’t able to just relax this “weekend,” but also other things. I don’t know what to call it. Homesickness, culture shock, just plain feeling lousy? I’m really not sure. But today I’m not doing super hot.
I miss my people. My family has a group text and hearing updates from them now that everyone is home for Christmas and I’m the only one not there is tough. (As a note to my family, please don’t stop using that group message. I want to hear all about everything.) One of my best friends is getting married in 2 weeks and I’m not going to be there for it. I’m not getting to spend time with the people I love during my favorite holiday. Yeah, that all hit me hard today.
I miss cooking. I’m eating out every night, which is probably cheaper here than making my own food, but I’m not used to it. I want to be able to make chicken fajita-stuffed peppers and veggie soup. I miss being able to just run to Kroger and buy melting chocolate and peanut butter to make buckeyes. I miss moving around my kitchen and coming home to the smell of a good, healthy meal in the crockpot.
I miss movies! I was going nuts with that constant dripping this “weekend,” but I couldn’t just turn on the TV or Netflix to get it to go away. I had to wait for the movie to load on the extremely slow Internet of my apartment, then watch 20 minutes, pause while it loaded some more, and continue this cycle until I finished the movie/show. I spent most of the weekend, probably killing my computer battery, downloading my iTunes movies from the Cloud to my computer and then to my external hard drive. It was a hassle and took forever. I miss just being able to enjoy a good movie in English!
Sorry. I hope that doesn’t sound super self-pitying. It probably does. And those probably sound like silly things to get caught up about. In complete honesty, I love China. I love living here. I love the work I’m doing. That said, it’s not the easiest thing in the world, right now. I knew it was going to be hard and I was prepared for it. This isn’t a shock. I’m not going to throw in the towel or anything crazy. What I am going to do is pray and pray hard (I know I’m not supposed to use that word, but hopefully twice will be okay because I really need to use it right now). I’m going to trust that Abba is here with me and will give me peace. This is a temporary feeling, granted one that’s probably going to be a constant presence for the next couple of weeks, but I will work through it. Abba has me here for a reason and He knows how to guide me.
Please, do not read this as a cry for help or a plea for sympathy. It’s not either of those. It’s what I’m feeling and it’s what I feel I need to share with you. I don’t know if this blog is a part of Abba’s calling for me–although I like to think that it is–but I want to be as honest as I can be with you.
Before I go, I want to share with you this passage.
9But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Ch–st’s power may rest on me, 10That is why, for Ch–st’s sake, I delight in my weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. — 2 Corinthians 12:9-10
This is the background on my phone. Most days I don’t even notice it. But on other days, it’s all that gets me through. This is why I’m writing this. This is why I’m keeping my blog real. As hard as it may be sometimes, I’m boasting about my weaknesses. Abba’s grace is sufficient and I will trust in it through all of the obstacles life throws in my way. I p–y that you will do the same.
Abba Bless,
Kristen
*Featured photo from http://markryman.com/BLOG/
